i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
