So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
