I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
