Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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