Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
