They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
