moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
