I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
