she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
