I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
