I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
