he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
