they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
