I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
