if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
