Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
