Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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