from now on my penis is your penis
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Randomize
