fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
