The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
