just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This house was built for laser tag.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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