my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
