It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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