I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
