Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
