just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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