Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
