She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
