Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
