just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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