Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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