Just took my morning after pill in the library
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
