I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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