The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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