If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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