Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
