Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You pole danced in your parka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
