i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
