Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
