I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
