About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
