Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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