fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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