NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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