i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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