Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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