I bet he comes in French.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
