Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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