Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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