I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
